I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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