Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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