Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You are the jesus of drinking
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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