note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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