they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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