She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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