You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
