i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
