found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
