I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
