So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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