the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
