I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
