saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
