I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
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