is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
