We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
