the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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