Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
