You can't motorboat a personality
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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