i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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