i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
