We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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