she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
