When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You can't special order awesome
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
