At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
