I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just cropdusted the office
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
