Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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