i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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