a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
