hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
