I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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