So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
