I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
