Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
