was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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