That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
