What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
