So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
