We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
