Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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