Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
