I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
