sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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