I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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