she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
