You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
