So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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