And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
