girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
third nipple confirmed
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
