Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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