Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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