RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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