do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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