the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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