There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize