youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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