It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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