How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
