guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
