you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
