I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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