I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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