I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
