Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
