I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
