Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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