I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
