it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
