I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
