At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize