We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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