I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
