College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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