No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
