I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
