So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
