well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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