so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
