exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
