Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize