Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
