Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
