tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
