So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
