i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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