Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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