please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
