he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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