You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
