Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
wanna go halves on a baby?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
