If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
