You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
