I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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