Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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