Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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