Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
