i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
