so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize