After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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