the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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